Life is a choice, its your life, choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly choose happiness.
In 2010, I suffered mental exhaustion working 84 hours a week in financial services. I was striving for greater things in a career which I did not need. Earlier in my career, I survived 7 armed robberies and just accepted that as part of life and the price for getting up a corporate ladder.
The crisis in my life in 2010 brought about a rebirth, a new awakening within me. I realised that although I had been successful in a career and was on a six-figure salary, I had lost my way.
In 2006, I sat in a hospital ward beside the bed with my alcoholic father. Our relationship was strained. The doctor delivered the news that they could do no more for him and his time was limited. They arranged palliative care for him.
When the doctor left my father turned to me and said,
“Son, if I had my time over the things I would do different”.
At the time, I learned nothing from that experience. A few weeks later we buried my father I spoke at his funeral and I continued to work at 100 miles an hour. A year later, my best pal died of cancer leaving a wife and 3 young kids. During his illness, I spoke to him about a new job opportunity I had been offered he encouraged me to take it. I did.
We buried my good friend, I spoke at his funeral and I did not stop to think, to grieve, to understand what is important in life. How short life is.
Why would it be a surprise when my wife had gone to work and my kids gone to school, I cried like a baby at 50 years old? I did not understand what was happening. I was at the top of the corporate ladder, but I was suddenly realising my priorities were skewed. Memories of my father, and my best friend on their death bed came flooding back. The lessons they learned, the lessons that passed me by and were now crashing down on front of me.
I had to stop.
I had to slow down.
During my recovery I read about Bonnie Ware, a palliative care nurse in Australia who worked with patients who had gone home to die. It was one of the articles that helped me gain some perspective for the future.
She explains that patients experienced a number of emotions such as denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and then eventually to acceptance of the inevitable.
Every single patient, she says, found their peace before they died.
She came up with 5 simple messages learned for all these people who died.
1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself not the life others expected of me.
the people saw all their dreams that had gone unfulfilled , most had not done 50% of what they had dreamed of because of choices made and not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I had not worked so hard
This came from almost every male patient, they missed their children’s youth and partners companionship. All the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
Women spoke of regret, most from an older generation who could not be bread winners.
By simplifying your life stye and making conscious choices along the way it is possible not to need the income you think you do. By creating more space in your life you become happier and more open to new opportunities, one is more suitable to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
Many of the people suppressed feelings so as to keep the peace of others so they settled for a mediocre existence and did not become who they were truly capable of becoming. Many became ill because of bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. You cannot control the reactions of others, people can change how they react because you speak honestly.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
The people said they did not truly realise the benefit of old friends until their dying weeks. Many were so caught up in their own lives that they let golden friendships slip by over the years. There was many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time an effort they deserved.
Everyone missed their friend when they were dying and they realised it comes down to love and relationships in the end.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier
Many people did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice as they had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.
Fear of change had them pretending to others and themselves that they were content, when deep within they longed for a proper laugh and some silliness again in their life.
When you are on your death bed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. You can take advice from these points and implement them in your daily life. Don’t make the same mistakes, live life in the moment, and for what is important to you.
My mission as a career and life coach to my clients is to get this self -awareness through to them so they can be their authentic self and live the best life that can be.
Contact me through bjkennomotivation.com to see how we can work together.
